New Domain; New Site

I have my own domain name now and have switched over to Wordpress.  If you would like to continue following my blog, please click on the following link:

http://www.oneofhisbranches.com

 Doing or Being

I attended the NC Ladies' Missionary Conference yesterday, even though I had spent quite a bit of time trying to talk myself out of it.  But I DID want to hear a particular young lady speak who I've watched grow into adulthood from her teens.  She now has 4 small children and her family will be going to Indonesia next month with NTM.  While she was speaking, I knew why God wanted me to hear her.  She mentioned how being a stay-at-home-mom often left her feeling like she wasn't DOING enough.  She wasn't leading Bible studies or ministering to the aged.  But God had taught her that it isn't always about what we are DOING but what we are BEING.  My eyes filled with tears because I have been sidelined yet again, unable to DO much of anything.  I don't handle being sidelined very well, especially after a period of time when I was very active and helpful to others.  In reality, I had OVER done it.  I told her after the conference how much her words meant to me. I wanted her to know that she was able to minister to me, even though I was old enough to be her mother.  What a joy it will be to continue to pray for her family and watch what God does in their lives. 

As I pondered these thoughts on my way home, weeping for what I thought I should be doing with my time,  God brought to mind all the times He HAD allowed me to DO.  Seriously, in the last year alone I lived with my parents and helped care for my mother until she died. A few months later I cared for my father while he recovered from a broken hip. driving 30 minutes each day to his rehab facility for at least a month.  How dare I complain that He brings me into times of just BEING rather than doing.   I experienced pain during these times of ministering, but the pain did not stop me from doing what God called me to do during those times.  In fact, the pain was usually at a level that was very manageable.  It was definitely not gone, but I was able to DO and to cope while doing it.


So now I am again in a time where I cannot DO for others beyond a doctor's visit here or there.  I have changed my eating habits drastically, trying to get to a place where so many have gotten, a place without pain.  I am not there yet, and I honestly don't know if God will allow me in that place.  But for now,  He has be BEING, not DOING.  While He has me here, I plan to go over the events of the last 10 months and blog about whatever God brings to my mind and heart.  I have always wanted to, but I could not bring myself to do it while the events were taking place. I have joined a blog challenge on Facebook and have already met and been encouraged by many people who have also accepted the same challenge.  If I am going to BE, I need to DO it (being) well and to the glory of God.  Now is that time. Thank you, Elizabeth. 

 Availability

It's mid December, but it's unlike any December I've every experienced before.  There isn't the usual hustle and bustle of the Christmas season happening this year.  I take that back, it IS there, but it is happening all AROUND me.  Even in my house, Samuel did 90% of the Christmas decorating this year.  It is very low key, just as I chose last year since we were traveling out of state.  What shopping I have done has been done online.  The rest, my husband, Kenny, has agreed to do.  He likes to shop on December 24th, but that is OK with me.  This year is quite different and I've learned to let go of lots of things I previously would have wanted serious control over.  

My mother is slowly growing weaker, but we have moved into a different stage.  She did all she knew to plan for her funeral and such, which ,in her confusion, should have culminated in the Lord coming to take her home to be with Him.  His timing is not our timing though, no matter how much we long to be with Him.  Her days have always been numbered and that number won't change.  He will return to get her in the timing He has perfectly chosen.  And so we all, including Mama, will watch, and wait. 

One decision we made, with the encouragement of the Hospice nurse, was to move Mama and Daddy's bedroom into the front living room of the house.  It is much larger, has more seating for visitors and mostly, it has a huge picture window looking out into the front yard.  We have set up bird feeders that are being enjoyed by the birds, a few squirrels, and even a cat on occasion who would like to get his dinner there, NOT in seed form.  Mama can see it all, and the heavy curtains close where she can have a good dark room if a migraine hits her.  It has been a good decision for everyone involved, I think.  She hasn't been eating much recently and we are having some difficulty getting her pills in her.  We just made the switch to pain patches, instead of pills, and hope to get her other meds in liquid form this week if possible.  So far she knows everyone who visits her, although she does get confused still about where she is and what is going on around her.  She describes seeing things that we don't see, but thankfully we have been able to talk through them and repair each situation to her contentment....well, usually.  

God has been at work in my family this month, in a special way as we contemplate Mama's home going.  I'm sure it is different for each individual:  Caregivers, family near and family far away, and friends who have been touched by her steadfast prayers over the years, none of us who want to see her in this state.  I can only speak to what God is doing in me though, for the purpose of this blog.  As I study the life of Gideon, I have been amazed at how God has lined my circumstances with Gideon's own situation.  I mean, how different can they be?!  A man called to forsake idolatry and follow the one true God, delivering Israel out of the hand of the Midianites and a 50 year old wife/mother with chronic health issues, who has an empty-ish nest and aging parents, one of which is slowly dying.  Pretty different, huh?  But if you look closely...well, maybe more at a distance, you see two people who feel very inadequate, asked to do something by God that seems WAY too difficult to do.  We are both asked to give up something, in order to give of ourselves not only to others, but to God.  Could we have refused?  Sure.  Like Gideon, this possibility left me shaking in my Birkenstocks, not just figuratively, but literally.  My anxiety was sky high as I contemplated Mama and Daddy needing me full-time at their house.  My focus was all on me, me family, what she needed, what he needed, what they needed, my pain, my freaky diet, my husband, my sons....Whew!  Exhausting, right?  When our focus is in the wrong spot, it IS exhausting. 

Finally, with the Lord's help, I was able to focus on the Him, who knows me better than I know myself.  He had asked something of me.  These were my parents; it was a no brainer, since I was the only child here.  God had placed ME here.  He wanted ME.  For a time I was willing....but... Those "buts" aren't there for us to use with God.  The "buts" I see in scripture are "But God..." and they are followed by something extraordinary.  I was failing to trust Him fully because I doubted I could do this indefinitely.  When asked by my doctor if my current amount of stress would last weeks or months, I said I hoped it was weeks, because the prospect of months...well, I melted into a mess of tears and trembling.  You see, God is always there for us.  And in return, He wants us AVAILABLE to Him.  I wanted to put limitations on my availability.  But last Sunday, Luke 1:38 was read at church.  "Any Mary said, 'Behold the handmaid of the Lord; be it unto me according to Thy word.' and the angel departed from her."  Mary didn't put limitations on God's plan for her life and look at what He asked of HER!  She made herself AVAILABLE to her God.  I realized at that moment with that truth and the truth that I am not to worry about tomorrow, I was to be available to God, one day at a time.  I don't need to worry about the "how long" of it.  He's got that!  Being available means being ready for use, being readily obtainable.  I was able to accept that I would be available to Him.  I'm choosing not to think about when it will end.  IF it lasts longer than I humanly think I can handle it then He WILL give me the grace to deal with that.  Each morning, all my focus needs to be is Him, and being available to Him, whatever He asks.  

With all that wrestling behind me, I have spent my first week at my parent's house.  My original plan was to spend Monday, Wednesday, and Friday evenings with them...my regular days there.  I was quickly able to see that the stress I was feeling was coming from driving back and forth between their house and mine, trying to cook for my household, grocery shop for my household, and be there for my parents.  I ended up staying from Monday through Friday evening, and I came home Saturday morning to spend the weekend with my guys.  The Lord even blessed Daddy with our CNA offering to come on Saturday afternoon free of charge, so he wouldn't have the whole weekend to care for Mama alone.  (He has had offers from other friends, but accepting help is hard for him, and I suspect it would be difficult for my mother to have friends do some of her personal care.  I want to respect both their feelings.  AND... it's not my job to challenge my father on those things.  That is between HIM and God.)

I want to report that being at my parent's has decreased my stress level tremendously!  I left some food for my guys to begin the week, and brought some of it with me to my parent's.  They were fine on their own and very understanding of what God has called me to do.  In a way, he's called them as well, to support me...and they have.  To wake up at Mama's and not have to rush to get there has been a blessing.  Daddy is an early riser, so he does his thing in the morning while Mama and I get our beauty sleep.  ;-)  He has even willingly shared all of my strange Paleo dishes that I made, as long as there is some "kick" to it.  I love "kick" so it's all good!

God has asked ALL of us to be AVAILABLE to Him.  For some it may be giving up a job in the workplace and stay at home with children.  What if it is educating your children at home, when you fully planned on sending them to the private school a few miles away.  Maybe it's giving up an area that feels like "home" to follow your husband to a new job.  Maybe it's giving up that new car in order to help fund an international adoption.  I could go on and on.  All I ask is that you get on your face before God, and make yourself AVAILABLE to Him...fully AVAILABLE. 

A Week of Extremes

Last week Kenny and I went to Carolina Beach to spend some time together and rest a bit.  We had a wonderful time.   Nothing exciting.  I knitted a bit, cooked quite a lot, and got plenty of rest.  I missed my parents terribly but knew I needed the rest.  They were being well taken care of and so was I.  I found myself quite emotional as the week ended and as I was going back to my parent's home on Monday.   I felt things coming in on me, seeing Mama deteriorate and knowing her doctor had mentioned Hospice to Daddy while I was gone.  It's like I could see "the end" down the road, but at times it looked close, and then again it was far away.  I think that's the not knowing.  But I trust that God is in control of the timing and am at peace with that.   My brother-in-law, Dan Secor, came down from MN on Friday and spent the entire week helping my parents...projects with Daddy and talking to Mama. 

I spent a lot of Monday looking for a paper that Mama had written notes on about what she wanted for her funeral service.  If you know my parents, they both tend to KEEP things with a passion.  I say that meaning that they slightly lean towards being hoarders, but what I learned in my search is that my mother DOES keep things with a PASSION.  I found treasure after treasure from our childhood, items from the grandchildren that Mama thought were precious, gobs and gobs of Bible study notes, and I think every card she has ever been given.  What made some of these things so special, was that she had documented them.  The envelope may have written on it that it was the first Valentine card from Kenny and I after we were married.  A ziplock bag with dried flowers from a special event would also contain  a small piece of paper with the "history" that went with that particular flower.  There were simple birthday cards and other items that were oh so special.  So Mama keeping things with a PASSION to me became seeing that my mother had a PASSION for keeping things.  As I went through things all throughout this week, I shared those moments with Mama.  I was able to let her know how much these meant to me.  I was able to share things I found with my siblings and help them feel like they weren't really SO far away.  Keep in mind that I was LOOKING for something in particular.  We never did find it.  But the treasures I did find!  

On Wednesday, Andrew had come for a visit.  We had been discussing a song that Mama liked and that she wanted Denise Herring to sing at her funeral.  I found it on the internet and began to play it for her.  She immediately began to cry as she listened to the song.  I laid on the bed next to her, stroking her arm and crying myself.  The song, Surely the Presence of the Lord is in this Place, seemed to take her directly into the presence of God.  She raised her hand in praise and worship to Him.  After the song ended, she began to pray aloud.  She prayed for every single member of her family, including future spouses that grandchildren had not met yet.  Andrew was really touched by this, seeing a side of Mama that had been private in years past.  He jotted down a bit of what she said and it was basically a summation of her entire prayer time with us.  "Put your arms around each one of our children.  Let there be love.  Let there be no division.  Hold us tight until you call us home."  It is a memory Andrew and I will always share and treasure. 

Thursday was the day we signed up for Hospice care with Hospice of Wake County.  It was a difficult day for each of us.  The nurses were absolutely wonderful and we are very pleased with them so far.  I think it was a difficult step for Mama and Daddy though, like it placed a concrete finality on the situation.  Mama was very emotional and maybe feeling like she should say good-bye to people that she didn't see very often, in case she didn't see them again.  The house was bursting with love from so many people.  One thing about Hospice is they do not want their patients in ANY pain.  We were able to get some liquid medication for Mama, she's starting to have some issues swallowing pills, that we can use to help her with breakthrough pain.  In the past she has just dealt with it.  Now she doesn't have to.  

Friday was full of visitors.  A very special visit was via the computer when we Skyped with Grace and Willy Kelly, and were introduced to her first great grandchild, Elizabeth Joy Kelley.  "Ellie" was two weeks old and wide awake for her debut.  They live in CO and don't get to NC very often.  I am so thankful for the technology that enabled her to SEE Ellie even if she couldn't hold her.  

Of the visitors she received at the house, she had an important message for each one.  If she thought she would see them again, she expressed her love for them and they talked about things they shared together.  For some she told them about her Savior and how she longed to know that they would be in heaven with her some day.  She has had love poured into her and she is also pouring the love out into others.  She doesn't want to miss an opportunity to share about the One who died for her, the One who paid the price so that when she takes her last breath, she will be WITH Him in eternity.  She will see Him; they will be face to face.  Will YOU see Him?  I pray you will.  

So this week has been one of extremes; one of sadness and one of joy.  One of anxiety and one of peace and rest.  The joy, peace and rest come only when we keep our eyes on Him, the only One who can give TRUE joy, peace and rest. 

Walking a New Road

I've been very emotional today.  It is Sunday, November 3rd.  Kenny and I got back from a week at Carolina Beach yesterday.  It was a wonderful trip and I needed that time away with my husband and with the Lord, to refocus.  I feel like we are turning a corner.  As I said in my introduction, I am a 50-something woman who is caring for aging parents.  Turning that corner means I am now helping care for a dying parent.  Whoa...new territory for me.  I'm not finding a map for this neighborhood either.  I AM finding people who have been in this neighborhood before.  I occasionally find one still here.  And then there are those who come in, just to help us during our time here.  I cannot tell you how thankful I am for these people!  

Specifically for me, I depend on those in the body of Christ who are here.  When part of the body is weak or failing, the stronger ones come by to help.  They might bring food for nourishment.  They may bring flowers to brighten things when days start to get dark.  They may bring prayers, that lift us up when we are tempted to fall to our knees.  Sometimes they fly in from MN and do repairs around the house, allow Daddy to go to church the first time in months, or read to Mama.  

I am a fix it person.  But is this really broken?  I don't think so.  It's different.  It's part of life, this thing called death.  But for Mama, it's just a transition.  We want to burst into tears, but she is SO ready.  I have never known my mother when she wasn't in pain.  Can you imagine being so close to "no more pain?"  In no way to I want to keep her from that!  But most of all, she is so close to seeing her Savior's FACE!!  I do want to do everything I can to ease her transition, to give her BACK to the ONE who gave her to us in the first place.  

I never thought I'd be reading about the dying process on the internet today.  I feel I NEED to know what to expect.  Maybe I don't, but I feel better with that knowledge.  I feel like I can support my father better with this knowledge and maybe my sons as well, as this will be a first for them too.  If you have walked the streets of this neighborhood, please share your experience with me.  We aren't dealing with an illness where the nurse in me can figure out the next steps.  Time is drawing to a close though, when I won't be able to curl up in bed next to her and show her pictures of her first great grand daughter.  I'm going to really miss that. 

My Favorite Mayonnaise Recipe

If you have ever tried to make your own mayo, you know that it can be tricky.  I have looked at several "great" recipes, but have finally found the one that works well for me.  So far I've made it twice with no failures, once with a stick blender and once with a food processor.  I much prefer the food processor method.  

The recipe I use is this one from Melissa at The Clothes Make the Girl.  I'll post it below, but doubled and with a few of my own tips.  

Homemade Mayo (Paleo)

Yield: approx. 3 cups 

Ingredients

2 eggs @ room temp

4 tablespoons lemon juice @ room temp
1 teaspoon dry mustard
1teaspoon salt
1/2 cup plus 2 cup olive oil (light, not extra virgin) @ room temp (or 1- 17 oz. Bertolli Extra Light Tasting Olive Oil)

 I'm all for easy at my house which is why I double the Melissa's recipe.  I easily eat one recipe a week so doubling is very important.  Plus I can make one plain and either flavor the other or make it into salad dressing.  

As Melissa says on her website, it's important for the eggs and lemon juice to be room temperature and for them to be together in the mixing container for up to an hour before mixing.  Add the mustard and salt, and 1/2 cup of the olive oil.  Use the extra light tasting so the mayo doesn't have a heavy olive oil taste.  I find this tasted more like regular mayo.  Turn on your blender/processor for 30 seconds.  

As I said, I prefer to use my Cuisinart Food Processor.  Holding a stick blender for as long as it takes to drizzle in the olive oil, especially for a double recipe, is tiring.  In addition, the large pusher in the sleeve assembly also contains within it a smaller pusher.  The small pusher has a tiny hole in the bottom just perfect for the right amount of drizzle that is needed for the rest of the recipe!  

Begin pouring the remaining olive oil in the mixture, while the processor is on, very slowly.  A drizzle is the proper speed.  Go quite slowly so the mixture can create an emulsion.  If using a Cuisinart, pour some of the oil into the small pusher and it will drizzle it at the right speed for you.  Continue this until you have used all the oil. 

Now comes the messy part of getting it out of the blender/food processor, etc.  I'll have to admit that using a stick blender would have been nice at this point.  Much less mess getting it into your containers.  

There you have it!  I don't foresee changing recipes from here on out.  I'm that happy with this one.  

Paprika!  It's Not Just a Spice Any More

I've been on the lookout for quite some time to find a recipe app that would save me some time and space.  I recently threw away many papers where I had printed out recipes off the internet, some that I actually tried.  ;-) But now that I've gone Paleo, I don't need the clutter.  We have to fight against that pack rat mentality, right!

I have found the app that has really done it for me.  It is called Paprika and is available for the Mac, iPhone, iPad and Android.  If you want a free app, you'll need to keep looking.  I had to download it separately for my Mac and my iPhone ($19.99 and $4.99 respectively) but it was totally worth it.  

Clipping Recipes - I believe this has been the most important element of this app to me.  There are 190 supported sites (Big Oven, Allrecipes,com, Pioneer Woman, just to name a few) where you simply go to the site on the Paprika browser and click "Save Recipe" and you've got it!  Easy Peasy!  

 I got pretty nervous the first time I wanted to clip one that was on a nonsupported site.  They have it all worked out.  It takes a little bit more time that one click, but you have a recipe in just a few minutes.  You simply cut and paste!  Cut/Copy the name of the recipe and the click "Name" at the bottom of the screen.  It pastes it in the proper place.  Cut/Copy the entire list of ingredients and then click "Ingredients" at the bottom of the screen.  Same thing for Directions.  If you want a pic for your recipe, click the box for the pic and then drag the pick you want to the box...done!  No writing out recipes or wasting paper printing them out.  Remember, this will sync to your phone so you can use your phone in the kitchen like a recipe book.  

There are a couple built in categories for the recipes you save but more importantly, you can create your own categories.  

Meals - in this section of the program you are able to create menus for the week, either using the recipes you have or simply writing in your own dish that the recipe is in your head.  For instance, green beans.  You don't need a recipe for that, but you want it on your menu list...you'll see why in a minute.  You can plan ahead using the built in weekly calendar. 

 

Grocery - Need to write up your grocery list?  Simply click on Add Week or Add Day to your grocery list.  All the ingredients for those recipes are automatically added.  You are given the option to uncheck any items you already have before printing out your list.  Of course, you can just take your phone to the store and use your list that way.  You can add any other items to the list easily.  

There are so many other neat things like Cloud syncing, recipe scaling up or down, nutritional information where available...I won't go into them all here because honestly, I haven't dug into the app that far myself!  I'm still learning.  This app is too good not the share, hence this review.  

 Click HERE to check it out!

Let me know what you think!